Chapter 4: There is no such thing as difficult in the beginning
It is such an easy task, his eyes seem to say when he looks at me. Rather yet his eyes seem to say why not do so in the first place.
If I don’t know then ask. If I do not understand, you can tell me.
The suggestion was such a simple concept, yet I did not think about it at all. Even though it is simple…… No, as it was easy, the answer that could not be derived from a normal sense of values.
I am not exaggerating when I say it is quite serious. This is essentially a possible death flag!
「…… what’s with you」
I was delighted and unintentionally let out a smile which made the boy edge back as if saying that I was weird.
Though I was surprise by it, judging from his reaction I do not think it was a good idea that I laughed so suddenly. However, because I am glad right now I will let it slide.
「Okay! Then I will be going」
「Farewell boy! 」
The world seems a little clearer to me now I wonder if it is because the tension was going up.
I could hear the boy saying something in the background, but I picked up the hem of my dress a little and started running, the graceful Duke’s daughter Mariabell was nowhere to be seen.
Before being the Duke’s daughter, I am a little 3-year old girl.
While holding the hem of my dress in my tiny hands, I dashed desperately at the full speed my short legs could carry me.
The direction? That is, of course mother’s room.
× × × ×
「Anne, mother’s room?」
I ask one of the “nōmen” maids ‘Anne’ who suddenly appeared from nowhere about mother’s room.
Of course prepare both the dress and the hair a little before attacking, right?
I don’t exactly know where and how Anne suddenly appeared from, but I do not care because I have other matters on my mind.
If you care or mind about it, you lose, so the best option would be to ignore it.
「Yes, that’s right ……ojōsama, okusama is..」
「I do not mind」
I interrupted Anne’s answer and knocked on the door of my mother’s room.
I can imagine what Anne will say from my past experiences. I am busy or I am tired, whether it is a lie or not will be used to keep me away from here for reasons that I do not know.
In fact, the knock actually made her “nōmen” expression change for the first time.
I guess it was unexpected, that the voice of the young ojōsama sounded so impatient.
There was feeling……No, I guess it is natural, but I was doubtful of the long unpleasant silence.
「Mother, it is Mariabell, may I come in?」
「I am coming in」
I opened the door quickly before Anne could stop me.
There were some manner issues regarding my conduct just like before when I knocked.
But I have to act quickly before I can be stopped.
If I don’t push forward now then I will not be able to proceed, the plan that I got from the boy even if it is a little rough around the edges is my best option and chance right now.
As I opened the door and entered inside, I saw a woman with a surprised expression on her face sitting on a chair near the window with a book resting on her knee.
It’s been a while….. though it is a little strange, she is my mother.
The room was gorgeous and luxurious but at the same felt slightly mismatched, it is more accurate to say that it had a neat atmosphere rather than refined.
The eyes of pastel purple which looked around at me were the same as the ones from my memories.
「Pardon my intrusion, okāsama」
「Maria-chan …what is the matter?」
She seems to be considerably surprised by the sudden visit.
From a parent-child relationship view that is a problematic reaction, but it is a normal reaction if I think about our exchange up till now.
I picked up the hem of my dress lightly and lower my head.
It is the minimum courtesy that should be shown for someone who just forced herself into the room without approval.
Although I am not in a position to talk about courtesy at this point, I am still going through that part.
I am only a small little three-year old, and I plan to use my young age to my advantage.
Though it is difficult to say what I want to say.
But I will go for it, even if it kills me. I must try my hardest and use my advantage to the maximum.
I cannot be hesitant if I make up my mind to do so. I stared at the eyes of mother, and opened my mouth.
「I, have a question to ask okāsama」
「Ma~a….I wonder what it could be?」
「Okāsama…..do you dislike me?」
I said it. I bit my tongue a little, but I suppose it counts as a pass.
Since I am a three year old, there is no problem even if the words cannot be pronounced smoothly. The contents are heavy this time so it is more important that I got them out than having messed up a bit.
From being asked such a sudden question from her daughter…my mother stared wide-eyed at the remark
A look of surprise and sadness from what I can tell, it was that kind of expression.
Judging from the expression, I am not disliked … right? If that is what your expression means, it is a nice result for me ….
「Why…..I do not dislike you, to say such a thing」
「If not, then why did you not come and see me?」
Yes, just to not get ahead of myself and get my hopes up.
Even if I come to meet you, you will not see me.
Even if I cannot meet you, you will not come to see me.
Apparently I seem to have been more stressed than I realized myself.
It was unexpected, but it hurt my heart more than I imagined, my mother’s expression makes me very frustrated.
If you do not dislike me, why will you not see me?
You will not come and see me.
Do not make such a sorrowful face, do not look so sad, I did not do anything.
To try and meet, to try and talk, you did not try to do any of these.
Only I became so desperate, while you were only waiting. Even so, stop looking like you are in so much pain by yourself.
「It was more painful for me, much more than you!!」
「Ma-, ria, … Maria-chan」
「It was lonely and painful, but it was only me, Maria¹ worked so hard, and was so hurt, but okāsama did not notice at all!」
What a terrible tantrum.
Considering my mental age, it is a violent sight, but because I am a child it can be tolerated.
To the me who justed cried out, mother seems about to cry too.
To cry to release my pent-up feelings, to make mother understand, that may have been my “real intention” all the time.
For me I realized for the first time… No, it’s ‘Mariabell’s’ intention.
The feelings of myself and the 3-year old Mariabell, who is the true owner of this body are mixed, and it turns into one voice and steadily flows out from my mouth.
「Maria, loves okāsama so much….there are so many things I want to tell okāsama….but, when Maria thinks okāsama might hate her, it was so hard and painful」
Do not avoid me, do not hate me because I love you.
I wonder if these were the feelings of the real three-year old Mariabell.
In the same way as me, you were being avoided by your mother.
And so, I could not help but also feel your unease.
Because unlike me, the original Mariabell was a genuine three-year old child.
She was worried and felt uneasy, but surely Mariabell did not confess it, and her mother without worrying about her daughter’s anxiety……chose divorce.
I do not know the reason, perhaps my mother did not want it.
But for Mariabell it is a decisive event that transforms her insecurity into confirmation.
I was hated.
My beloved mother did not love me.
It was painful and sad …. but she was disliked.
With nowhere to turn to and without thinking she chose to become indifferent to the matter.
I had always thought why there was no information in the past five rounds. But the fact that it was the most sad reason was not within my expectations.
It seems the cause for her future evil personality was not just being plain spoiled.
Because it is not a pretty sight to be tolerated, so it could only be thought as “It serves you right” for the past five rounds.
「That feeling, I also thought…」
「…… Sorry, Maria-chan」
My breathing out of sync from excessive crying, and a watery nose.
As a young lady, and a girl before that, I was desperately trying to suppress my runny nose, but then I was surrounded by a soft feeling.
「You are….everything to me. I love you from the bottom of my heart from now… to forever and forever on, Mariabell」
I am hugged.
As soon as I noticed something in me came overflowing.
It is me and at the same time not me.
Perhaps something very important for “Mariabell”?
Neither my father nor the nōmen maid could provide.
I was able to obtain what I was always missing, what I was always craving, in the warmth of my mother.
I think “happiness” is the correct word for this moment.
「O, kā……-sama, o kā,-sama」
「I am sorry for making you feel so lonely. As Mariabell says, it was mother’s fault」
「U , ~a…… u ā ā a…… ~tsu」
A gentle hand stroking her hair, a soft smile, a loving voice to spoil her, was something Mariabell had for the first time.
I know. I remembered the perfect life and conditions given to me ever since I was a baby, having received ever thing I had ever wanted.
But for Mariabell.
I do not know how Mariebell grew and lived her life up till now.
But I couldn’t help but have expectations for the gentle smile and sweet voice calling my name.
Mariabell now knew all of that for the first time.
In that case….can’t help it then.
I will let you fully feel the love and warmth of a mother and the affection that wipes away all of our unease and anxiety.
Even if later I am hit by the shame and embarrassment of having cried like a little child and want to hide away in a hole.
¹ It seems she starts referring to herself in third person a little starting here.
5 thoughts on “Otome Game Rokkushuume 04”
Thanks. I love this chapter. Unlike the other JP reincarnation I read, this one has more character depth. The background wasn’t just skeemed like it wasn’t important. She’s not just a charcter. She’s human too. There’s more to her than just being a villain.
Dammit…. Alright, WHOS CUTTING THE DAMN ONIONS???!!!!!!
Talk about an emotional chapter! I loved it. We really delved into her psyche and just how much the original Mariabelle desperately needed that love and affection.
Thank you for the chapter!
I actually cried when she asked.